Klingon Programmers
8 February 2004 —
1-minute read
Okay, I was up at 2:30 this morning with Katie (my week-old daughter) and was reading [Slashdot]. The poll was about the best hand-held weapon, I was reading through the comments that various slashdotters had posted, and I came across [this gem]:
Top 12 Things a Klingon Programmer Would Say
- Specifications are for the weak and timid!
- This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if Iam to do battle with this code!
- You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
- Indentation?!—I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
- What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software’ releases’. Our software ‘escapes’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
- Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’
- they have ‘arguments’ -and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. - Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
- I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
- A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
- By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
- You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
- Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!
